Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
