Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
