she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
