I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
