I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
