I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
