So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
