fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
