He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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