yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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