You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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