Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
