It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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