I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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