My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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