Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
