it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
