I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
