OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
