am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
