In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
