matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
