I'm eating all of the evidence.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
