i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
