Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
