Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
