I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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