I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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