How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
