Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
