I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
