On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
