You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
