I don't usually arrange sex via text message
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
