someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
