he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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