Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
