i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
