why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
