so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
