Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
