bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
