I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
