I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
