Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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