He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
