Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
