Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
