I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
