Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
