i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
