I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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