so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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