Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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