Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
