yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
