I just saw a hot homeless man
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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