i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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