Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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