I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
