His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
