I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His hands were made for my vagina.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
