need another drink. this is the easiest way
kristin has been a bad kristin
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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