think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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