Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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