I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
