doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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