the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
