But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
