I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
