We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
